What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
