It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
