Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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