My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am naked and annoyed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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