Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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