i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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