We're facebook friends in real life
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
