If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Say something about gay babies.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My bed smells like the plague
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
