I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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