Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
