i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Houston, we have a blender
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
