hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
