whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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