if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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