god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
