its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
