i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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