i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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