I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
