then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
