3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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