The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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