the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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