Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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