Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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