apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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