he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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