I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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