by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
