I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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