You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Still dying that you shit outside
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
