she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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