Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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