Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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