every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize