Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
