Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
