I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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