If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
