i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Blood and glitter go together right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
