I cockslap morals
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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