I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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