I skipped work to stalk him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
