oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
