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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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