my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
