Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
