How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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