Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
