worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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