Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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