they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Shame - the story of my life.
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