If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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