you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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