i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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