the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
