I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
