I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
